A Comprehensive Guide to the Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth

A Comprehensive Guide to the Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth” is an amusing little initiation for the perplexed into recent and ongoing apoplectic apophenia about Illuminati and so forth by Max Read over at Gawker.

“Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid ‘Blue Ivy’? What was the deal with Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that ‘famous people are weird and sad’ is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

Note: to best service our readers, we’ve divided this guide into two sections — first, the believer’s guide; second, the skeptic’s guide.”