He riddled me — ah, God! I see it now!
The bloody winepress? The ascending sun?
Thy dawning beauty and thine evil bed!
The double meaning! I had evil thoughts
When I pronounced it — else had She Herself,
Hathoör or Mary, risen. Misery!
Incessant mystery of the search for Truth!
Aleister Crowley, Tannhäuser
I don’t want to be high any more or again, and this sends me into a spiral of misery, life seems completely empty if this magic world is too painful for me. I want to die and I have infinite terror of the pain of every form of death. I see emptiness and hopelessness everywhere.
Mary Sativa, Acid Temple Ball [Amazon, Bookshop, Publisher, Local Library]